Well That Was Hard Work! by Michael Conboy – Featured in Issue 34 of the Berwick Rangers Supporters Trust magazine (August 2019) and also in Mudhutter fanzine issue 73:
As the sun moves slowly from left to right it starts to break through the leaves and branches of the overhanging tree, it’s a Weekday afternoon in the middle of May and it is most uncharacteristically hot. An early escape from the office I find myself in the garden in contemplation mode with a cold beverage courtesy of Luigi Moretti.
All is quiet and still apart from the birds singing in the trees and flying overhead. The garden attracts mainly Goldfinch, Coal and Blue tits, plus the usual suspects, Sparrows, Black Birds and Pigeons. I have been lucky enough to see a Male Bulfinch fleetingly.
I have been wandering in and out of the house frantically trying to revive my summer reading mojo. The task entails bringing out music and football books and piling them on the table at the side of me like a stand in school teacher desperate to get back into the classroom.
A clatter of metal as the table tipples over and all the books hit the patio floor, so back to reality……
Unfortunately and “or” fortunately I am in a state of footballing limbo, where as usually now the season would be done and dusted and fate cast moving forward into the summer Months with a kick of the heels and a spring in the step despite what had unfolded during the season.
But this is not the case as tomorrow evening the mighty whites play the 2nd leg of the Championship playoff against Derby at the fortress that is Elland Road, going into this leg with a 1 goal advantage, the thinking would be to get an early goal to double the score line and defend with the hope of a chance to counter attack and score on the break.
I watched and celebrated the win at my oldest mate’s house, I have known him since I was 16 years old so games like this mean a lot to both of us. On arrival I was faced with a sheepish look and the confession that he doesn’t have Sky Sports due to some “technical” issues. Various options are banded about, go to the local pub, which isn’t that local! Watch on a mobile phone, which is impractical, unless like myself you are long sighted and mobile phone screen viewed with out spectacles on is like watching television after having laser eye treatment. We eventually while the sand of time where rapidly running out decided to by a Sky Sports day pass for Sky Sports for £8.99. Subscribed and paid for we tune in and get set up.
Pre match and the nerves are jangling, a couple of beers calm the nerves of what is building up to be a long 40 minutes before kick off of this the 1st leg of the play offs.
“Rum, Sodomy and The Lash” that cuts into the start of what was being a well formed paragraph, ears prick up to a later song on the now legendary album “Body of an American” as we wait patiently for the teams to be announced.
Here we go on our way to the Premier League, a lyrical quote never so fitting from a song about a boxer “He never threw a fight, when a fight was so right, so they sent him to war” Shane McGowan 1986.
I keep feeling a nudge and a push on my leg, as I look down I see my mates 3 year old son looking up at me grinning clutching a plastic football.
He doesn’t need to say anything, his vocabulary limited anyway as he is only three. The proverbial mist clears and the mental and spiritual clarity is almost mockingly overwhelming!
We start passing the ball backwards and forwards to each other his little grin widening has he gets more involved with his ball kicking skills.
Out of know where, well the corner of the sofa a flash of black and white Border Collie skids across the carpet for an unexpected and very suspect sliding tackle. Luckily he doesn’t burst the football with his teeth, not something you would hear associated with the modern professional game.
As the dog hairs and carpet settle from the sliding tackle, what strikes me the most is the shear joy and sparkle in the young boys eyes, like a blank canvas free from the pressures of wealth, peer pressure and expectations that are often associated with football, just a young boy kicking a ball around for the absolute fun of it.
I later found out he goes to a kids football training session on a Sunday morning, where he is slightly struggling with the concept of team work! But at 3 years old he has plenty of time to work on that.
So back to the play off 2nd leg and news has emerged that Roofe is injured and won’t be fit to play, which is never great news but even more distressing when going into such a crucial game! The scene is set, Cold beer – check, Roasted peanuts – check, nerves of steel – unchecked!! the teams emerge on to the pitch and the whistle is blown, 24 minutes in and Dallas taps a goal in off a post rebound header from Cooper! 1 nil Leeds, 2 nil on aggregate.
All was looking good as we head into the 44th minute until an almost comedy sketch mix up between Cooper and the keeper Casilla – goal to Derby 2-1.
Teams back out after half time break, one of my roasted peanuts nuts crashes onto the living room floor as I swoop down to retrieve it Mason Mount scores after only 46 minutes 2-2. Next time I will leave that solitary peanut to suffer in silence!
Within 15 minutes Derby get a penalty 2-3, my nerves are not cut out for this. But hang 62 minutes Dallas scores to level the scores on aggregate once again 3-3.
My heart rate returns to an acceptable level as we head into the 80th minute still on 3-3. I am resigned now to extra time if needed, so beer refilled (again) I seem to have refilled after every flash point and goal. Peanuts are all but gone suspect many of them will be taking cover underneath the sofa for extra time.
The final nail in Leeds promotion dreams comes in the 85th minute from Jack Marriot. That’s it then another season in the Championship beckons.
I now really don’t want to say anything else on the subject, yeah, bottles gone, and in my defence I would like to thank Bielsa for a truly brilliant season, which brought together families, friends and communities. I am a paid up member of the Leeds United Supporters Trust and they have done some wonderful work over the course of the season, most notably their work with match day food bank collections, really great work!
So back to my footballing state of limbo, the thorn in my side, Berwick Rangers, I cant relax and sign off for the summer if I wanted to. Unfortunately there is one more game of football that means a lot to me, and a small coastal town on the Scottish Borders. Tin hats have been shot to hell, but lack of defence, unable to score goals consistently.
A heavy run of defeats and Berwick Rangers find themselves in a dog fight for survival to stay in the Scottish Football league. Problem is Cove Rangers are 4 nil from the first leg.
Surely Berwick cant do the impossible and turn this relegation play off around and be the talking point in the Leaping Salmon, The Barrells and The Curfew this evening. An excuse for many a Sunday hangover in this picturesque Borders town. Sore heads queuing down the High Street at the commercial branded Coffee Shops.
I have managed to get to a few home games this season but unfortunately my support will be from the comfort of my own home for this game, keeping up with the action via various media platforms such as Twitter, Sky Bet and Flash Scores. I always have a small wager on Berwick to win usually as part of some kind of accumulator, more of a tradition rather than a money making exercise, lets just say I generally traditionally lose!
A few minutes before kick off I am set up with my mobile phone, and various tablets not wanting to miss any of the action unfold across different media.
Cove score after just 9 minutes, is this it the opening of the floodgates? Can the hope only be now that we don’t concede so many goals it ends up like a Rugby score! Red and perished knuckles knocking on the door of the Scottish Lowland League.
As the first half progresses the gates of the flood seem to abate, a yellow card for Rose and a straight red for Brown sees the half come to an end with just the one goal conceded.
So as it stands after 45 minutes Cove are leading 5 nil and seem to have secured a place in the Scottish 2nd tier of football for next season, all hats off to them, with a wince of sadness.
Second half it’s another goal after 47 minutes to Cove, hardly enough time for the Berwick lads to pull their socks up and compose themselves!
You guessed it this doesn’t end well for Berwick they concede a final goal after 75 minutes, I will let you do the maths on the final score over the 2 legs.
To add insult to injury the manager has been sacked and board members seem to now be dropping like flies, as a shareholder I will always stay loyal to the cause!
The Months have rolled on and I have picked this up again at the start of July, I was going to draw a line under “things” here but as we dive head first into the Pre Season friendlies and Berwick have their first win since the tremendous victory over Peterhead back in March. A 2 nil win against Coldstream at Sheilfield is a great start.
With a smile on my face and confidence levels growing ever so slightly I have been writing all the fixtures and marking them up with a bright yellow high lighter in my diary. First final score entry “2-0 WIN” to Berwick!
For those interested I did have a 6 fold accumulator on and ironically they all lost apart from Berwick!!
TNH - The Northern Hemisphere 
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