TNH – The Northern Hemisphere

GAZZA IN 96 by Michael Conboy – Featured in Issue 12 of View From The Allotment End Fanzine and also issue 30 of STAND fanzine:

Marianne Faithful, Nancy Sinatra, Debbie Harry, the sun light shines through and captures their hair, the bass line misses a beat, the symbol crashes to the floor.
Jagger knew, Frank knew, Andy Warhol knew, these were the women that would capture, and in some cases “Rapture” the lives of young impressionable men for generations.
As Nancy said “These Boots are made for walking” but in the case of Paul “Gazza” Gascoigne those boots were definitely made for playing football and some tremendous football at that!
It comes as no surprise that the likes of Paul Gascoigne and David James among others have adopted the peroxide blonde look over the years. Albeit a subconscious and maybe a possible unaware spiritual connection with the great Marianne, Nancy and Debbie.
The smell of peroxide, testosterone and dubin in those football dressing rooms must have been a toxic powder keg for the young bleached blonde Tazmanian devil Paul Gascoigne.
At the time Gazza was playing for Rangers, and some would argue in the playing form of his career, he would inevitably be selected for the England squad for Euro 96. He was in a good place mentally when he was up in Scotland although he was suffering from insomnia, Rangers at the time had a strict dress code for players turning up at Ibrox whether it was match day or just for the midweek training session. Training through the week would start at 10.00am on the dot with players typically arriving at Ibrox between 9.30 and 9.45am. On one particular week day training session Gazza still hadn’t arrived for training and it was nearly 10.00am. His colleagues were becoming increasing concerned especially with Paul’s quirky personality traits.
The doors burst open into the dressing, Gazza has made it for 10.00am training, stood there out of breath in a shirt and tie and a pair of fishing waders holding a trout under each arm which he had caught through the night. He had a passion for fishing and he would often go during the night due to his insomnia. The shirt and tie were to uphold the clubs strict dress code!
Being a kind and thoughtful soul Gazza thought he would share the two trout he had caught with a colleague by hiding them in his car, one was relatively easy to find the other was under the spare wheel which turned out to be a little bit harder to find, let’s just say the share prices rose dramatically for the pine air freshener company that particular Month.
It was probably perfect timing that Paul had been selected by Terry Venables for the England squad for Euro 96, keep him occupied and hopefully out of trouble! Prior to the tournament Venables decided the squad needed a trip to bond as a unit and also relax before the Euro’s. He arranged a trip to Hong Kong for the squad, the rest is etched in football folklore history!
Murdoch’s red top blood hounds circle like they are being thrown scraps of meat, it’s the pictures Venables would choke on his Weetabix for weeks.
There for the world to see the England squad blurry eyed, sweaty, shirts undone and in some cases off completely. This wasn’t an early morning training session underway, this was a night out in Hong Kong! At the centre of the pictures was a bleached blonde Gazza strapped to a leather dentist chair with the local bar man pouring a mixture of Drambuie and Tequila into his open mouth. The media back home had a field day, the headlines whipped up and blown out of proportion.
The England squad returned home, the dust settled the feeding frenzy had rinsed the “Dentist Chair” for all they could and had moved on to something else.
The England squad and manager Terry Venables now had to concentrate on the job in hand the Euro 96 tournament.
Progressing well through the group stages England find themselves in the favourable position of facing Scotland in their final group stage game, a win would see them through to the Quarter finals. Tense times called for some unorthodox managerial man management strategies, to calm Gazza down pre match Venables arranged with Wembley swimming baths to allow him to go “pretend” fishing the evening before each match. It must have been a crazy scene to see Gazza fly fishing in an empty swimming pool. But if it works don’t knock it!!
The date is 15th June 1996 the location Wembley Stadium, the time 15.00, the game gets underway the first half is goalless.
The players back out for the second half after a Venables rousing team talk, rallying the troops. It definitely worked as Shearer scores after 53 minutes. The England supporters go wild, could this be them going to the Quarter finals?
Gooooooaaaaal!!!! What a second goal for England after 79 minutes from the bleached blonde bombshell himself Gazza, chips the ball over Colin Hendry’s head then a beautiful volley into the back of the net.
The England fans go wild, Gazza runs to the side of the goal and dives on to his back, arms spread out either side his team mates surround him and proceed to spray water into his mouth. His celebration a two fingered salute to the British press who had made such a big deal of the dentist chair incident. His celebration re enacting the dentist chair was almost as good as the goal. Lapping it up the red tops breathe new life into the “dentist chair” once again.
The game finished two nil to England and its full steam ahead to the Quarter finals!
A week later and it’s the 21st June, the eve of the Quarter final match against Spain, all is silent apart from the zip of the line and the whip of the fishing rod as Gazza spends another evening pretend fly fishing.
The next day and Wembley stadium at 2.30pm is holding a cool 75 thousand football fans for what is hoping to be a mouth watering quarter final clash against Spain.
The curse of the footballing gods and its goalless after 90 minutes, extra time still sees no goals, so it goes to the dreaded penalties! Nadal misses his and the Gazza nails his, England are through to the Semi Finals, again the crowd go wild. Gazza showing what a confident force he is on the pitch.
Pre match fly fishing done, England now face Germany in the semi finals, it couldn’t be set up for a better footballing stage, a theatre of dreams for Venables boys.
Wembley stadium on a June evening kick off 19.30 Wembley again full with a 75 thousand crowd.
Straight out of the blocks Shearer scores after 3 minutes, this is it, it has to be! What a brilliant start to the game. Sixteen minutes and Kuntz scores for Germany, Kuntz by name hey!
Well that was that 1-1 after full time and again it goes to extra time, a goal drought proceeds so the inevitable penalty shout out beckons.
The usual candidates line up for the England penalties Shearer, Platt, Pearce, Gascoigne, Sheringham all scoring theirs. Germany match England and get all theirs Habler, Strunz, Reuter, Ziege, yes you guessed it he’s back Kuntz!
Next up for England is Gareth Southgate the newly knighted England manager, a nervy penalty missed see’s Muller confidently get his and that is it England are out of Euro 96. But what a run on and off the pitch, delightful stuff!
The dust settles and the next time you see Gazza with a fishing rod he is in the back of a taxi with a 4 pack of beer, a family bucket of KFC and the trusty fly fishing rod, the least said about that incident the better!
So now when I think about the advert “Fly Fishing by JR Hartley” it has a completely different meaning for me.
As I draw to a close I feel should offer up some kind of explanation for the some what abrupt and seemingly meaningless opening paragraph, I have been listening to some old Smiths vinyl of late which lead me to think about some female influences, notably so Nancy Sinatra and her connection with Morrissey, that lead me to think about the other three blondes, well one not a true blonde and also male! Somehow the madness of the planets collided.